At the Throne of Grace
Last week was one of "those" weeks. You know the kind where everything that can go wrong does and all at once. We were all still fighting the same fevers and sore throats that started back in February, our internet went down and even the tech support at Comcast were stumped on how to fix it, I lost my phone for a day, Riley spent an entire night puking everywhere, and on, and on.
I could have looked at these problems and chosen to stay positive, chosen to stand in faith, chosen not to let them overwhelm me, but I didn't. I did the exact opposite. I had what can only be described as an adult sized toddler temper tantrum. I was angry, bitter, frustrated, and even a little hurt.
My reason being that I felt that I had come into an agreement of sorts with the Lord. A few years ago I listened to a sermon about prayer and time with the Lord. The scenario was clearly stated, a lot of people don't spend time a lot of time in prayer and don't spend time studying The Word. I knew I was guilty of that as was most of the room. I decided to change that. I found devotionals, commentaries, bible studies and built them into my daily life. While things were never perfect, I was still able (most days) to combat those troublesome things that life threw at me and became very comfortable with God's peace, even too comfortable.
I've been warned and even given the warning myself about complacency, about not being aware and on guard, about what it takes to stand in faith, about where my focus and trust should be placed. Even at the start of the week my attention was directed to Isaiah 30 which outlines a rebellious child of God. I spent just as much time learning the characteristics of the rebellious child as I did learning the virtues of a true child of God. I entered last week with all of this clearly visible and accessible in my mind and I still blew it! The tantrum began.
Even then in my rebellion God spoke to me and talk about pouring salt on a wound..."She is clothed in strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom , and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:25-26 This is where my attention was turned to. I know it wasn't so much salt on a wound as it was a reminder of who I was supposed to be. Still blew it!
Then when I finally pulled my head "out" and swallowed my pride and confessed my revelation of me being nowhere near as strong as I thought I was, grace mercifully flowed. Friday I got to spend the evening with friends who I dearly love to celebrate a birthday. At our table the comment was made "I have it so good that when 1% goes wrong, I break down." It wasn't me that said it, but I know I was supposed to hear it and let it sink in. And it did. Me guilt, God grace.
Saturday I stood in the stands, with thousands in attendance, and cheered my heart out for my baby boy at the rodeo. I personally have never met nor probably will never meet (at least randomly) another mom that gets to share that same experience. I sat there amazed telling myself "You know you don't deserve this!" and I didn't.
The weekend ended with more time with friends to celebrate another birthday, happy healthy kids, working internet, my phone, and some memories to last a lifetime and I looked back and felt an inch tall. I was swollen with pride for my son and thankfulness for the good times and still felt small and undeserving. And why shouldn't I? Looking back do these "problems" even register? Are they anywhere at all on the scale of suffering? No!
Still more grace. I've been following along with the 90 day devotional David - A Heart Like His by Beth Moore. Up until Wednesday (day 48 in the devotional) I had not missed a day. Today I picked up where I left off at day 49 and here was today's prayer verbatum:
Wow!
This is not the first time God has put me in my place (where I was fully aware of it). The last time I had a "fit" God directed my attention to Job 38:2 - Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
No joke, my devotional that day took me straight to that verse and it was the very first thing I read that morning.
I learned then to approach the throne of grace at a full sprint before my daily devotional sends me to Job!
I wrote this post as a means to hold me accountable to the knowledge of where my strength and grace come from, my Sovereign Lord.
I get grace, He gets glory! Amen to that!
I could have looked at these problems and chosen to stay positive, chosen to stand in faith, chosen not to let them overwhelm me, but I didn't. I did the exact opposite. I had what can only be described as an adult sized toddler temper tantrum. I was angry, bitter, frustrated, and even a little hurt.
My reason being that I felt that I had come into an agreement of sorts with the Lord. A few years ago I listened to a sermon about prayer and time with the Lord. The scenario was clearly stated, a lot of people don't spend time a lot of time in prayer and don't spend time studying The Word. I knew I was guilty of that as was most of the room. I decided to change that. I found devotionals, commentaries, bible studies and built them into my daily life. While things were never perfect, I was still able (most days) to combat those troublesome things that life threw at me and became very comfortable with God's peace, even too comfortable.
I've been warned and even given the warning myself about complacency, about not being aware and on guard, about what it takes to stand in faith, about where my focus and trust should be placed. Even at the start of the week my attention was directed to Isaiah 30 which outlines a rebellious child of God. I spent just as much time learning the characteristics of the rebellious child as I did learning the virtues of a true child of God. I entered last week with all of this clearly visible and accessible in my mind and I still blew it! The tantrum began.
Even then in my rebellion God spoke to me and talk about pouring salt on a wound..."She is clothed in strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom , and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:25-26 This is where my attention was turned to. I know it wasn't so much salt on a wound as it was a reminder of who I was supposed to be. Still blew it!
Then when I finally pulled my head "out" and swallowed my pride and confessed my revelation of me being nowhere near as strong as I thought I was, grace mercifully flowed. Friday I got to spend the evening with friends who I dearly love to celebrate a birthday. At our table the comment was made "I have it so good that when 1% goes wrong, I break down." It wasn't me that said it, but I know I was supposed to hear it and let it sink in. And it did. Me guilt, God grace.
Saturday I stood in the stands, with thousands in attendance, and cheered my heart out for my baby boy at the rodeo. I personally have never met nor probably will never meet (at least randomly) another mom that gets to share that same experience. I sat there amazed telling myself "You know you don't deserve this!" and I didn't.
The weekend ended with more time with friends to celebrate another birthday, happy healthy kids, working internet, my phone, and some memories to last a lifetime and I looked back and felt an inch tall. I was swollen with pride for my son and thankfulness for the good times and still felt small and undeserving. And why shouldn't I? Looking back do these "problems" even register? Are they anywhere at all on the scale of suffering? No!
Still more grace. I've been following along with the 90 day devotional David - A Heart Like His by Beth Moore. Up until Wednesday (day 48 in the devotional) I had not missed a day. Today I picked up where I left off at day 49 and here was today's prayer verbatum:
"My merciful God, I have learned the hard way that nothing good lives in me-that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good but I cannot carry it out (Rom. 7:18). But in You I have the power I need! You've given me the treasure of the Holy Spirit who lives in this weak jar of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from me! (2 Cor. 4:7)."
Wow!
This is not the first time God has put me in my place (where I was fully aware of it). The last time I had a "fit" God directed my attention to Job 38:2 - Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
No joke, my devotional that day took me straight to that verse and it was the very first thing I read that morning.
I learned then to approach the throne of grace at a full sprint before my daily devotional sends me to Job!
I wrote this post as a means to hold me accountable to the knowledge of where my strength and grace come from, my Sovereign Lord.
I get grace, He gets glory! Amen to that!
Comments